Worst of the Worst: Christmas Movies

At some point this holiday season you'll hunker down to enjoy a Christmas classic, It's A Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story etc. So consider the following to be the opposite of those. The proverbial bottom of the barrel when it comes to Christmas films (and I use the term "films" loosely):

Santa's Magic Kingdom

Back in the 60's there were a handful of smaller amusement parks that focused on Christmas time, which is where most of Santa's Magic Kingdom takes place. The plot (if you could even call it that) involves Santa teaming up with Merlin, Cinderella, Puss N Boots and the Easter Bunny to fight off an ogre who is never actually seen, since that would probably involve some type of budget. As you can see the combination of awful voice dubbing along with shoddy camera work creates a surreal low budget mess.

Elves

Elves tells the simple holiday tale of a woman who is a virgin and unwittingly becomes part of an evil Nazi experiment that involves bloodthirsty elves who are terrorizing her and a friend so they can create an army of...umm super Nazi elves I guess. After her and a friend are trapped in a department store their only hope is a drunken ex-detective who's a store Santa Claus and together they attempt to fight back against the murderous elves. Then they find the true meaning of Christmas. OK I made that last sentence up...

Santa Claus

This one comes courtesy of Mexico and involves Santa Claus teaming up with Merlin (what's up with old holiday films featuring Merlin?) and trying to successfully deliver toys on Christmas despite the Devil sending one of his minions down to earth to stop him. Did I mention that Santa lives in a castle in the clouds and has things around his workshop that are the stuff of nightmares? Because he totally does!

The Magic Christmas Tree

The Magic Christmas Tree is equal parts terrible and slightly disturbing. It involves a boy who receives a ring from a "happy" witch and uses said ring to make a Christmas tree come to life, which involves the tree "talking" along with granting wishes. One of those wishes involves taking Santa Claus prisoner to discover what Christmas is all about, which I'm pretty sure is not how you get on Santa's nice list.

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny

Oh, where to begin...so Santa gets his sleigh stuck in Florida and psychically summons some nearby kids who bring animals to aid him. Unfortunately none of that works so Santa tells a long rambling story that really has nothing to do with Christmas and eventually the Ice Cream Bunny comes to his aid in a fire truck. Really the above scene sums up the true campy awfulness that is this film.

-Astroboy