After my last post about the passing of Michael Jackson I attempted to steer clear of most TV this weekend due to the inevitable mass speculation of his passing, along with the glut of random thrown together tributes/True Hollywood Stories that no doubt were shown ad nauseum. Also some friends and family were in town...so that helped.
However today I saw this here article that almost made my head explode due to irony.
Anyway the amount of random MJ music videos posted online led me to stumble across this odd music video that I don't think I've ever seen before:
Wow that was like a music video time capsule circa 1987. It's like a Who's Who of 80's celebrities all in one place! In fact I'm almost certain that's the only time you'll ever see Billy Dee Williams, Dan Ackroyd and Steve Guttenberg on motorcycles, Corey Haim, Whoopi Goldberg and Blossom together in anything. I mean all it was missing was Alf drinking a Pina Colada with George Wendt and Bill Cosby dancing in the background!
Well if you live on planet Earth then you probably know that Michael Jackson passed away yesterday. I'm sure over the next couple days that the media will mirror the cartoon* above. I watched CNN for maybe 15 minutes this morning as I got ready for work and while it is sad unexpected news for me it is equally as sad how the 24 hour news media will spend the next week or so speculating, hypothesizing, and generally spouting off random opinions all packaged as a morbid "tribute" to a celebrity that they already mercilessly chastised a few years ago only to hold up as a legend now that he has departed.
*Sigh* I guess what I'm getting at is don't I hope they don't beat it into the ground...
Oh and in half assed tribute fashion (and because the web is awash with MJ videos) here is the Indian Thriller:
-Astroboy
*For more cartoons go to pictures for sad children...which I have no affiliation with, but do think is hilarious.
Well the week is half over so I figured why not present something that will BLOW YOUR MIND! Ummm...well not really "blow" your mind per se, but perhaps make you shake your head in shame and create some sort of migraine.
You see in the 70's Star Wars was so popular that it permeated pretty much everything and was popular. You know what else was popular in the 70's? Variety shows! So here is the one and only Donny and Marie's parody of Star Wars!
OK so you might be like, "Well that's not THAT weird". Well what if I told you Han Solo was played by Kris Kristofferson or that Obi Wan was non-other than Redd Foxx. Oh, and since it's the 70's Paul Lynde makes a cameo!
Jesus it's like staring at a nerdy gaudy 70's era car crash:
During the late 80's early 90's Marvel comics were big into throwing out 4 issue mini-series based on pre-existing properties (toys, cartoons, movies etc.), so it's safe to say that Brute Force remains somewhat of a dumb head scratching anomaly. You see Marvel decided to release a four issue mini-series and then attempt to ride the success of said mini-series by marketing the ever loving shit out of it (toys, cartoons, movies). Basically a reverse of the properties that they themselves were licensing...if that makes sense. Unfortunately the cunning plan revolved around Brute Force, who were a team of cyborg animals who fought ecological terrorists/mad scientists that wanted to destroy the environment. Needless to say a strange combination of talking animals combined with Transformers and Captain Planet didn't really garner much interest in lunch boxes much less cartoons for that matter.
As you can see by the comically sad cover of a robotic dolphin holding some sort of gun Brute Force consisted of animals with cybernetic implants that were created to assist in the seedier side of conservation efforts. You know the kind that involves the need for gun wielding cyber suit wearing animals? With punny code names like Hip Hop (the kangaroo), Lionheart (the lion, duh!), Wreckless (the bear who carried a "bearzooka" *groan*), Soar (uh, the eagle) and Surfstreak (the above mentioned dolphin) Brute Force took on...other more evil robot animal things like a gorilla, rhino, walking shark and so on.
Each suit transformed into something like a motorcycle or tank. So essentially Brute Force was a hybrid abomination like Frankenstein of what Marvel execs thought kids might bug their parents to spend massive amounts of money on when the toy line dropped. I mean kids like animals and robots that transform right? Throw in some lessons about environmentalism and how we can protect earth and that's a no brainer? Except after 4 issues no one cared in the slightest about the adventures of a lion that could transform into a motorcycle fighting an armored rhino all in the name of stopping pollution.
So consider Brute Force a pathetic attempt at Marvel trying to create something wholly original by copying off of other things and failing miserably.
Plan 9 From Outer Space has pretty much become a bad movie cliche to the point where it transcends its sheer awfulness. Over the years it has become embraced in an almost cult classic way for being so over the top bad that people love it. From flubbed lines to a ridiculous plot to continuity mistakes left and right to obvious DIY special effects Plan 9 comes off as the equivalent of a student film made by someone who has never seen much less made a film in their life. In one of my first film classes on our first day we watched what is considered the best movie ever made (Citizen Kane) and on the second day compared it by watching the worst movie ever made...which ended up being Plan 9.
With all the notoriety of Plan 9 being dubbed by some as "the worst film ever made" you would think that I would have put it higher on a list of Bad Movies, however I kept two things in mind:
1. There are a lot of movies that have been made over the years for a lot more money than Plan 9 that are 100x worse.
2. Plan 9 has a sort of oddball charm about it and despite the obvious flaws you can tell that it was lovingly made to the best of Ed Wood's ability.
With all that out of the way it would be a huge oversight to not include Plan 9 when compiling any list of bad movies. The plot revolves around aliens resurrecting zombies and vampires to stop humans from creating a device that will destroy the universe. One of the main draws of the movie is that it is Bela Lugosi's last roll in that they only filmed a couple scenes of him as a vampire in daylight (for an entirely different film I might add). Seeing as Lugosi passed away after that Wood decided to continuously use the Lugosi footage no matter if it breaks continuity or makes sense at all and also use a stand in who looks nothing like Lugosi. Plan 9 is peppered with these amateur mistakes throughout the film whether it be homemade flying saucers on wires, Criswells hammy over the top narration, stilted dialogue that often contradicts itself, continuity being broken (usually day for night scenes); in fact it's safe to say that if you made a drinking game out of taking a shot during every mistake made in Plan 9 that by the end you would have alcohol poisoning.
When all is said and done Plan 9 From Outer Space is a down right awful movie that fully lives up to its less than stellar reputation, however it also shows that anyone who puts their mind to it can make a movie...for better or worse.
A couple months ago a game came out called Angry Barry President of Butt Kicking. In it Barry ( Barack Obama) decides to run for president the only way he knows how by thoughtful public debate and tireless campaigning... Just Kidding! Didn't you read the title or watch the video? It involves Barry kicking tons of butt to make his way to the White House!
Throughout you can super combo hoards of mad cat ladies and conservatives. At the end of each level you combat bosses like a fireball spewing John McCain, some sort of Mech version of Ronald Reagan and finally pit battle on the White House lawn against the floating demonic head of George W. Bush by fighting him with a giant shoe (subtle, huh?).
Did I mention you can also beat people with cows? Because you totally can!
So yeah Angry Barry is a pretty awesome throwback to the mindless 2-D side scrollers that dominated the 8-bit market, along with being a hilarious over the top violent political commentary. However:
Robot Lincoln Is Not Amused!
Now will someone please make a Fox News fighting game?
Sex Pistols-Anarchy In The U.K.: This is off one of the first couple CD's I bought The Great Rock N' Roll Swindle. My shitty Chevrolet Celebrity was notorious for eating cassette tapes and Never Mind the Bollocks was a fatality, so to replace it I bought Swindle which is a mish-mash of Pistols songs and zaniness (disco versions of Pistols songs!?). Anyway this version is off Swindle and seems to be more angry.
John Lennon-Nobody Told Me: Towards the end of Lennon's career it seemed like lyrically he was just saying obvious straight forward things (usually involving peace or love), but most of the songs were rhythmically catchy so it didn't really matter. This is a fine example.
Modest Mouse-Gravity Rides Everything: To me Modest Mouse seems like one of those bands that sound ridiculously excellent on their albums, but live would be a bitter disappointment mainly because of listening to the albums over and over so much so that it is ingrained in my head as the way the song should sound. Then again maybe that's just me.
David Bowie-Jean Genie: I really can't think about anything to say about this song except that I love me some David Bowie and I always imagined a Jean Genie to be some sort of transsexual glam genie that wears a jean jacket while granting wishes.
Ween-So Long Jerry (So Long): I always joke when I do random ten songs that one of them will no doubt be Ween and once again this proves true. This one is a loving acoustic ode to Jerry Garcia.
Dead Kennedys-I Am The Owl: A foreboding song that sort of plods along until spinning out of control, until exploding into the chorus with Jello snottily doing a sort of spoken word kind of thing.
The Offspring-Killboy Powerhead: Over the summer as a 14 year old I had a brief torrid affair with the album Smash. I would listen to it religiously as I walked or rode my bike to my cousins each oppressively humid day. By the end of the summer I simply stopped listening to it altogether for whatever reason. However it's still a solid album that I know all the words to and no doubt the only Offspring album you need to own.
Sonic Youth-Beauty Lies In The Eye: Kim Gordon seductively talking over swooning guitars that are out of tune...so typical Sonic Youth.
Wu-Tang Clan-Protect Ya Neck: Anytime I hear any tracks off this album I always want to clean because this is my go to cleaning the house album. Some roommates and I used to play 36 Chambers to give us energy to tidy up...and I guess it stuck. Below is a rather made for public television video of a young looking Wu-Tang.
The Kinks-You Really Got Me: One of those guitar parts where you immediately know what the song is when it begins. Also this is one of those songs where it's almost impossible to not sing the chorus when it's turned up loud.
According to the commercial below for the past 100 years or so bathroom technology has been dominated by toilet paper and really how do you improve on something as essential as that? Well I hope your sitting down because a company has a product that will surely revolutionize the way that you wipe:
Good God...so yeah Comfort Wipe is essentially a stick that holds your toilet paper for you so you can reach your butt. It's target audience seems to be:
-Morbidly obese people
-Old people
-People with short arms
-People who can't afford some sort of butler to wipe their ass
-Folks who have an aversion to holding or touching toilet paper
-Individuals who have some sort of shoulder injury due to excessive wiping motions
-Lazy people
At some point in the commercial an old lady talks about how Comfort Wipe helps her maintain her dignity, which is pretty hard to believe when your product is essentially a butt wiping stick. Another highlight is when the spokes model announces that toilet paper is "completely archaic and disgusting...", which is no doubt the dumbest thing I have heard all day because A.) The product that is being sold uses toilet paper and B.) There really is no alternative to toilet paper unless you use your hand or leaves which is even more archaic and disgusting.
*Sigh* I don't know which is sadder that this is an actual thing that people will spend money on or that I was forced to type butt wiping stick...
It's already June and so far the summer weather has been somewhat...uh lacking. Around these parts most of June has been grey, cloudy or rainy (sometimes all three!) and not very warm at all. To get in a better summer mindset I decided to throw out some of my own personal favorite summer songs that always get me in a summer mood!
Summer Time Blues-T. Rex: Starting off with a simple acoustic and bongo jam by the middle of the song it completely transforms into a roaring thunderous Marc Bolan riff.
Sunny Afternoon-The Kinks: There's something relatively simple, laid back and catchy about this Kinks song. It always reminds me of lounging in a hammock with a cold beer in hand lazing away with not a care in the world.
Doin' Time-Sublime: This is a summer time staple for me. Not only because as a teenager most Sublime was the soundtrack of one summer. From the opening chords I can close my eyes and picture good friends at a BBQ. Forget that all the other lyrics are about a girl whose done Bradley wrong. The most important verse is the chorus.
California Sun-The Ramones: As soon as I hear the opening riff to this I can almost feel the hot sun on my neck and smell the sea air.
Saints-The Breeders: What says dog days of summer more than going to the fair? This Breeders song (and video) easily conjures up a muggy August night full of greasy fried foods and riding the Tilt-A-Whirl. With a chorus that pretty much sums up summer time for me.
Mr. Blue Sky-ELO: There is absolutely positively no way in the world that a human being can be depressed after hearing this song. It's like a law that was passed in the 70's or something.
Ocean Man-Ween: Ocean Man is one of those songs that I imagine would be played at an underwater dance party or mermaid disco...
Pretty Much Any Beach Boys: As blatant cliches go I think everyone can agree that the Beach Boys are pretty much the musical equivalent of a nice summer day at the beach. From obvious songs like Surfin' U.S.A to not so obvious ones like Barbara Ann the Beach Boy sound simply embodies the essence of summer! Included is one of my favorite Beach Boy songs Sloop John B about a disastrous boat trip.
Oh and what summertime mix would be complete without the obvious...
Let's go into the way back machine and take a look at some of my personal beloved childhood foods that I consumed with reckless abandon. Unfortunately pretty much all of these are no longer made anymore...
Fruit Wrinkles: The mid-80's to early 90's was a true golden age of fruit snacking. From Fruit Roll-Ups to Gushers to Shark Bites, it seemed like anything could be made into a sugary chewy fruit snack that fit in a pouch and was perfect for lunch! Amongst all the fruit snacks that were based on cartoons or looked like dinosaurs my favorite by far were Fruit Wrinkles, which resembled a raisin. Pretty boring, I know. However they did taste exactly like little balled up Fruit Roll-Ups...which come to think of it they probably were.
Squeeze It: With Kool Aid dominating the sugary colored water market for years there needed to be some sort of way to make them hip again. With the introduction of both Kool-Aid Kool Bursts and Squeeze It kids could drink said colored sugar water out of cool plastic bottles. I'm sure both tasted exactly the same, but for some reason I liked Squeeze It more, no doubt due to the silly faces on said bottles. While Kool Bursts are still available, Squeeze It went the way of the dodo. However if you click the link you can sign an online petition to bring it back.
Krunch Twists: Basically Krunch Twists were twisty Cheetos/Frito corn chips...but less straight/curly (hence the Twist). Out of all the junk foods listed here I'm sure my memory of these is better than they actually tasted.
Jell-O Pudding Pops: The one junk food that was prominent in my childhood that I still occasionally crave as an adult. The impending summer time only makes the fact that Jell-O Pudding Pops no longer exist hurt my soul even more.
Giggles: Giggles were essentially Oreos with (rather creepy) smiley faces on them. That was pretty much their only gimmick really. They relied on the fact that kids would buy cookies with smiley faces. I certainly fell for it as a 7 year old. As with the Krunch Twists I'm sure if you handed me a Giggle today my response would be...Eh.
PB Max: PB Max was like a gigantic chocolate peanut covered peanut butter mound of pure awesome. As a kid I was a PB Max junkie! In fact if you gave me a PB Max as a kid and I washed it down with a Squeeze It...I would have had enough energy to power cities!
While a more obvious choice in this instance may be The Snorks (essentially Smurfs living underwater) the short lived cartoon The Biskitts was an even worse offender. Essentially The Biskitts were tiny dogs dressed like Robin Hood who lived in a forest and were chased around by a dastardly King, his court jester and a dog. Hmmmm, magical forest creatures and a dastardly evil villain who lives in a decrepit castle trying to catch them. Sound familiar?
Samurai Pizza Cats
What It Was Ripping Off:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Lots of cartoons rode the popular coat tails of the TMNT formula by taking anthropomorphic ______ who fought crime and were totally radical. None were so eye rollingly obviously stereotypical than Samurai Pizza Cats. I mean the name alone makes you wonder how they didn't get sued for copyright infringement or plagiarism or something, despite the slight tweaks and changes. Just watching the intro. makes me want to bang my head against my keyboard.
Too Many To Name
What It Was Ripping Off:Scooby Doo
Once Hanna Barbera realized that Scooby Doo was a hit, they decided to mass produce the formula ad nauseum. Typically it involved: Teenagers + (insert dog/animal/anything sidekick here) x solving some sort of mystery - originality = Cartoon . While I admit that as a kid I watched a good chunk of these, it still boggles the mind how many Scooby knock offs were released. (Just a note: I did not compile the above video in any way shape or form)
Tiger Sharks
What It Was Ripping Off:Thundercats
Like Hanna Barbera the creators of Thundercats wanted to see if they could catch lightning in a bottle twice...hence the Tiger Sharks. Part of a variety show The Comic Strip Tiger Sharks was so painfully similar to Thundercats that it could've easily been a parody. From the opening which is almost frame by frame the beginning of Thundercats to the premise that simply replaces people from an alien planet that have cat-like abilities with people from an alien planet that have aquatic animal abilities. Not surprisingly a lot of the same voice actors were used as with Thundercats.
Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills
What It Was Ripping Off:Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
Similar to TMNT once MMPR took off so did tons of shows that copied the basic structure, which involved teenagers getting powers beating up weird Japanese rubber monsters. Not only does TTAFFBH have a ridiculously long comical name (seriously that could be the worst name in television history), but the opening is pretty much the mirror image of Power Rangers.
Essentially Clouds Taste Metallic is a transitional album of sorts for The Flaming Lips. While it was the seventh album that they had released it also had the displeasure of being the followup to an album that spawned their first mainstream hit (She Don't Use Jelly from Transmissions From The Satellite Heart) and also preceded a few years before their critically lauded The Soft Bulletin (in between they also released the experimental Zaireeka). It's safe to say that even today Clouds Taste Metallic is an under appreciated album that can easily get overlooked in The Flaming Lips catalogue as a whole. However upon further listen Clouds combines the fuzzy guitar alternative rock sound of past albums, while hinting at what was about to come.
Immediately opening the album with The Abandoned Hospital Ship the lyrics seem to allude to how difficult getting the album made was over crackly whiny guitar, piano and what sounds like a projector before exploding into a joyful outburst. Most of the songs focus on a wide range of topics from mortality (Placebo Headwound), education (Brainville), love (When YouSmile) or songs that create surreally bizarre scenarios (Guy Who Got A Headache and Accidentally Saves the World, Kim's Watermelon Gun, This Here Giraffe). Throughout The Lips bring their trademark distorted psych-alt sound with bits and pieces of more experimental leanings. From the space age march of They Punctured My Yolk to the giddily nihilistic Evil Will Prevail, which morphs from quiet acoustic to rambunctious freak out.
However it's the album closer Bad Days (Aurally Excited Version) that best sums up The Lips to a tee as over plinky xylophones they reassure you that everything will be all right no matter how crappy things may be before transforming into an enthusiastic bouncy sing along. Listening to the album it's easy to see how a record company would be less than enthusiastic with titles like Psychiatric Explorations of the Fetus with Needles and no real clear cut radio single, but luckily The Lips were still able to stay true to their sound. There aren't many albums that I personally can listen to all the way through without skipping a track or having a song that I don't really like come up, but Clouds Taste Metallic is easily one of those albums.
Essential Tracks:Placebo Headwound, Brainville, Kim's Watermelon Gun, Christmas at the Zoo, Evil Will Prevail, Bad Days (Aurally Excited Version)
If you've ever wanted to see a music video featuring a cowboy singing a song about how great Jesus is to a tune that sounds like it was conceived by Prince and the New Power Generation...then today is your lucky day!
If not...then I apologize for what you are about to witness:
That was from an 80's christian children's program called Gospel Bill. Speaking of weird children's programs here is a truly WTF montage of bizarre, terrifying, cringe worthy kid's shows (it should be noted that I in no way compiled or made the following video in any way shape or form) that make old R&B Jesus loving Gospel Bill look relatively normal!
Freaked is a film that essentially got zero backing from its respective studio and was sent to the dreaded film purgatory that is "straight to video". It's easy to see why seeing as Freaked is so ridiculously over the top and loaded with groan inducing puns, along with juvenile humor that it almost feels like watching a bizarro live action Warner Brothers cartoon on drugs. However while Freaked was obviously not mainstream material, it does have the obvious skewed humor/plot of a definite cult classic.
Written, directed and starring Alex Winter (aka Bill from Bill & Ted) Freaked revolves around smarmy movie star Ricky Coogan (famous for his Ghost Dude movies) who decides to be the spokes person for a new type of fertilizer called Zygrote-24 and while on a promotional tour finds himself and some friends trapped in a literal freak show headed by the over blown scenery chewing awesomeness of Randy Quaid as Elijah C. Skuggs. Apparently Skuggs has been using Zygrote-24 to transform people into hideous freaks to be in his freak show. These freaks include: a giant talking cow, Mr. T as the bearded lady, a giant nose, a sock puppet voiced by Bobcat Goldthwait, a dog faced boy, a half man half toad, two giant Rastafarian eyeballs (called I & I) and many more.
Freaked seems to indebted to early Peter Jackson/Sam Raimi schlock fests like Meet the Feebles and Evil Dead; along with zany humor similar to Mad magazine. It's this offbeat screwball cartoon gory comedy that is part of the main charm of Freaked. Also the random cameos (Brooke Shields, Keanu Reeves, Gibby Haynes), monsters that resemble a mish-mash of Ed "Big Daddy" Roth and Jim Henson, and a plot that...well let's just say it's pretty unpredictable. Really the only downfall to Freaked is that all of the things I just mentioned above that make it great to some may be exactly why people would hate it. However love it or hate it one thing's for sure Freaked is pretty unforgettable!
