Worst Of The Worst: Futuristic Sports Video Games

If popular culture has taught us anything it's in the future we can be sure of a few things: the inevitable robot uprising, some sort of cataclysmic war/occurrence (possibly a robot uprising) that sends us into a post apocalyptic wasteland, and sports will become more EXXTREME!!! They will involve inmates and have names like Killball or Circle of Pain or Blood...ummmm...ball. Anyway they will feature plenty of violence to appease the masses. What follows are some lamer attempts at Futuristic Sports via various video games.

Cyber Ball

Cyber Ball takes place in the far off future of 2022 and features robots. I guess that's pretty extreme, I mean robots can be pretty badass. Wait did I mention that the ball in question is actually a BOMB and that it could explode ANY SECOND! Oh yeah, and there are no penalties because penalties are for candy ass momma's boy's who have sandy vaginas. So essentially it is a futuristic version of hot potato, except with robots bashing into each other.

Professional Underground League of Pain

Before I write anything simply take a few moments to bask in sheer awesome hilarity of the name. I'll wait............Done? Okay so what if you took basketball, hockey, and wrestling but made it more futuristic and shit? Apparently you would have this unfortunately titled Playstation game with what appears to be Ultra Man rejects battling for a "plasma ball". Yup, they call it a plasma ball.

DBZ (Dead Ball Zone)

I could actually see this as some sort of Jason Statham movie coming out in January. Dead Ball Zone involves shooting a flaming ball into your opponents goal. Sounds easy, right? Did I mention that players have grenades, guns, and chainsaws; along with the ability to beat the ever loving piss out of you. So I guess the only rule in DBZ is that there are NO RULES!!!! (oh, except getting the flaming ball into your opponents goal, I guess that is technically a rule).

Cyber Stadium Series Base Wars

Wow, what a long unnecessary title. Base Wars is quite simply baseball with robots. Robots with tank treads, one wheel, cannons for arm and what not. When there is a close play the robots fight each other for some reason, which is not as cool as I would imagine actual robots fighting each other would be.

Pitball

As you can see by the cover in the future not only will earths natural resources be depleted, but also our precious sports. Except for Pitball where weird alien races fight each other to obtain balls of pure energy to score goals with. The teams are composed of humans, rock aliens, ocean aliens, and apparently large armored gorillas with cybernetic pulse cannons for hands.

Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball

Bill Laimbeer was a power forward who was a dick who liked to throw elbows with the occasional punch or two, so it makes sense that this no holds barred combat basketball would be endorsed by him. It's just like regular basketball with more body armor and punching involved. Oh, and mohawks. Nothing says futuristic bad ass like a mohawk.

-Astroboy